Choices
by TheSlueth
Summary: A new APOTOXIN 4869 antidote has been discovered. If only it were as simple as Shinichi had wished for him to return to himself. A work in progress, as always. Help me keep writers' block at bay: R&R!
1. Chapter 1

Peacefully snow was falling outside on the streets of Tokyo. Ran watched from the window of the Mouri Detective Agency. She was smiling, of course, since she could see, in the distance, Conan walking through the freshly fallen fluff. He had his small hands in his coat pocket, seemingly ready to be inside from the cold. He looked so innocent to her in instances like this, though she knew by looking in to his deep eyes that he had seen more than the average nine year old. Lost in thought, she was surprised when he opened the door and greeted her.

"Hello, Ran-neechan", he said with a childish grin.

"Hello Conan-kun!", she said returning his warm greeting. "How was Dr. Agasa?"

Conan's expression changed slightly. He didn't want Ran to know exactly what he was feeling but, after receiving such important information on the APOTOXIN, he couldn't help the slight alteration. Ran took notice of this but waited for his answer before pursing the change.

"He was doing well." Conan's answer was short for the long amount of time he had spent at Dr. Agasa's house.

"Well that's... Good." Ran smiled even though she knew there was information he was keeping hidden from her. Conan sensed that she was suspicious of him and ended the uncomfortable conversation by walking away to hang his coat up. He wasn't ready to tell her that Ai and Dr. Agasa had finally come up with what they thought was a finalized cure for his condition. He loved Ran, though, so it was only a matter of time before he would break down and tell her out of excitement and trust. He had waited almost three years now to come clean, after all, and was excited most of all to embrace her and pour his emotions out as if they were the most decadent waters.

Conan felt his stomach grumble. As much as he didn't want Ran's cooking he asked her to make him something. His appreciation of her was deep since she had not only waited for his return throughout this whole mess but she took care of him as Conan almost as if he were really her younger brother. She too cared for Conan as if he were really part of her family. His expansive knowledge and tenderness with her had saved her life numerous times and kept her waiting for Shinichi to return. Conan had always reminded her of Shinichi, even from the start.

Ran nodded, "Sure, Conan-kun. What would you like?"

He shrugged in response, "Anything!" He knew just about anything she made would be questionable so he would just let her choose something she was most confident in to avoid the burnt aftertaste that frequently accompanied her food.

"Well I'll try something new, then!"

'Great... Plan backfired', he thought.

Almost a week passed as Conan waited for the APOTOXIN 4869 antidote to be finalized. He had decided that he would wait to tell Ran until he had returned to himself. His emotions would likely get the best of him so he felt it was best that she could hold his real, full body to quell his emotions as well as hers. This thought alone was enough to keep his mind away from the consequences of returning to his former self. He knew consequences existed and was constantly reminded of that fact by Ai and Dr. Agasa both but he wasn't prepared to face them quite yet. To him this was not a time to unravel the knots that he had created as Conan but instead it was a time for him to look towards the future that was now before him.

"Conan-kun?", Ran's voice broke through his thoughts.

"Hm?", he responded.

"You should really go to bed. Winter break starts soon and I know you have tests this week. You need rest." She gave him a smile and drove him to bed as if she was his mother. After all, Kogoro wasn't exactly the best parent. He was passed out in front of the television as usual.

The next morning Ran sent Conan off to school prepared for a long day of 'difficult' tests. Ran slumped down on to the couch, not quite ready to study yet. Cram school wasn't as challenging to her as it was for Sonoko, though that didn't seem to surprise anyone since Ran had always been focused in both school and most aspects of her life. So, she had decided studying could wait a little while. The room was silent as she relaxed until the phone rang. It was Dr. Agasa.

"Hello?", Ran answered.

"Hello, Ran-kun? This is Dr. Agasa. Please tell Conan-kun to come over to my house when he's done with class today. He doesn't seem to be answering his cell phone..."

"Ah, well he's likely taking a test. It's almost the end of fall term, after all.", Ran said, laughing a bit to herself because it was rather ironic that such an intelligent man couldn't deduce that himself.

"Oh, I see!", he laughed awkwardly. "Well I would greatly appreciate if you gave him my message. It's rather urgent."

"Urgent? Is everything alright?", Ran asked, honestly concerned.

"Ah, yes! Everything is uh, fine. No need to worry! I'll talk to you later. Take care, Ran-kun!" The phone call ended abruptly. Ran knew that something was going on.

Conan entered, covered in snow, later that afternoon. He called out, informing Ran that he was home, but no one answered. He looked around, shrugged, put his coat on the rack, and proceeded to scan the room to look for an explanation for the quiet house. He spotted a note on the coffee table with Ran's writing on it.

"I'm out for the afternoon! Sonoko needed help studying for some exams and I need to pick up some things from the store. Let me know if you need anything! Oh, and Dr. Agasa called. He needs you to go to his house and said it was 'urgent'. See you later, Conan-kun! Love, Ran", it read.

"Love...", Conan read aloud.

He quickly grabbed his coat from the rack and left for Dr. Agasa's house. His excitement was building and not even heavy snow flakes could weigh him down enough to make his trek any longer than it had to be. He arrived and rang the doorbell several times before Dr. Agasa answered. He had assumed correctly that the crazy Dr. was in the basement with Ai, doing their regular research.

"Shinichi-kun! I'm glad you got the message", Dr. Agasa greeted him.

"Me too, me too. Though I'm quite tired from these difficult elementary school tests that I've been taking all day.", Conan said, sarcasm evident and Dr. Agasa chuckled in response.

"Well, do you think you're ready to test this antidote? We haven't discovered any negative side effects as of yet and the effects appear to be permanent, as we told you earlier. Our findings still hold true so it should be ready to go."

Conan nodded and swallowed thick saliva. All of his thoughts, fantasies, and fears cluttered his brain all at once now. It was real, really happening. This was the most successful antidote that Ai and Dr. Agasa had come up with and it could mean never going back to this life he had created as Conan. The good outweighed the bad, or so he thought.


	2. Chapter 2

This is what happens when you can't sleep all night. Chapter 2 is already done! This is sooooo not the end even though there is not some horrible cliff hanger. Enjoy!

* * *

Conan entered Dr. Agasa's house with him, following him in to the basement where Ai waited with the antidote. He swallowed again but couldn't seem to keep his throat clear. His nerves were getting the best of him, which didn't frequently happen. As a detective, especially a pint-sized one, he had to always keep a clear head. This, however, the thought of resuming life as Shinichi Kudo, was too much for him? He grunted in affirmation to his own thoughts; after all, he was ready for this.

Ai greeted him with a small smile. She didn't seem to be quite as excited as he and Dr. Agasa were. While they were all three waiting for the final tests to be finished she had never once taken her mind off of the consequences of Shinichi Kudo's return. This success was more bitter than sweet for her, being so rational.

"Well?", Conan chimed.

Ai responded with a slight glare that took Conan off guard. "Have you thought about this? What's your plan? Just turn up and all is dandy?"

This only cluttered Conan's mind again, only the fears were more dominant. He had pushed them out of his mind this entire time, only thinking of how wonderful it would be to come back in to the world he use to know. Now, though, they flooded his mind. Ai was right. What about the black organization? They hadn't been taken down yet. While they were weak thanks to the FBI's constant work on them, they were still not irritated completely. If they heard of his return they would likely hunt him and his loved ones down. Conan tried to justify his desire to return by telling himself that he would be prepared and much more capable as Shinichi so if they did come he would be able to take on what was left of them. Another thought forced it's way in to his mind. What about school? Three years had passed and he had not actually graduated high school. He was a year and a half behind everyone else his age. Ran was already almost finished cramming for university entrances and yet he didn't even have his high school degree. Sure, he could finish it quickly with all that he knew and all that he had learned up to this point but it would still be difficult to even explain why he would need to be admitted in to high school again without broadcasting his misfortune and attracting the Black Organization and other unwanted attention. His friends, as well. Ayumi, Mitsuhiko, and Genta had all stuck by him and accepted him right away and, although childish to him, were still good friends of his. Would they understand? How would this change their relationships? He feared he would lose their trust and friendship and was completely unsure how to break the news to him. The thought of trust slammed his mind with worries about Ran. He broke out in a cold sweat. What if...

"I see", said Ai, interrupting Conan's constant stream of thoughts as she observed his reaction. "So you have thought them through?"

"Enough to know what I'm in for, yeah", he replied.

"Well then, here you go. We'll need to keep you here over night to observe the effects."

"Understood."

Conan, trembling, took the pill from Ai's hand. This felt different than the other experiments. He knew this time it was for real and that there was no going back. As comfortable as he now was as Conan it was time to end the game and face, as they say, the music. So he swallowed the pill. At first it stuck in his dry, nervous mouth. Conan took a large swig of water and felt it travel down in to his stomach. He stood in front of Ai and the Dr. and waited for the familiar pain. Ai knew it would take longer than the failed experiments due to it's thicker outer shell but had no intention of telling Conan this. She decided that instead of easing his anticipation that she would let him wallow in his fears to be sure that he knew exactly what he was getting in to. Conan's mind, however, was blank. He stood, staring at the grey basement floor, noticing the cracks and discolorations. The cracks looked like veins through the skin of a sick animal with grey, cold skin. He suddenly felt sick.

"I can't do this. I'm going to vomit", he urged.

"Why? It hasn't even released yet.", Ai assured him.

"No, it's not that. This is too much. You know what I'm getting in to but yet you're letting me go through with this. Why?", he demanded as he sweat, feeling more ill.

"Look, Kudo-kun. Dr. Agasa and I both have faith in you, right Dr. Agasa?", he nodded, looking concerned. "You've gotten yourself out of every predicament that's been thrown at you.", Ai continued. "Don't tell me you're going to run from this one challenge."

Conan struggled to swallow again and nodded. He knew that it would be cowardly not to face this. Although he was not as prepared for these problems as he had hoped to be when this day came, he was ready. He had successfully dealt with becoming Conan with logic and tricks and had navigated these new relationships with grace most of the time so he had faith in his ability to save the pieces of relationships that he had left behind three years ago.

"Thank you Ai-kun. Thank you Dr. Agasa. Both of you... You've been more help than you know", Conan smiled and embraced them both in his small body for the last time.

"Lie down, Kudo-kun. You're being a little dramatic", Ai informed him in her usual cool manor.

Conan nodded in response and went up the basement stairs. He was followed by Ai and Dr. Agasa who left him on the couch to go to the kitchen. Conan laid down and gazed at the ceiling. He wondered what was taking this antidote so long as he checked his watch. Almost an hour had passed already and when he checked again another hour had gone by. His eyes felt heavy suddenly and he drifted in to an unusually deep sleep.

Dr. Agasa entered to check on Conan after having a meal an an extensive conversation with Ai about chaos theory. It was quite late in the evening and Dr. Agasa knew that Ran was likely worried about Conan. He was quite aware that she had likely called Conan several times after the sun had gone down to be sure that he was either safe or on his way back home. 'Poor Ran', he thought and called her from his own phone and told her that Conan would be spending the night despite his exams in the morning. She, as he expected, offered to come retrieve him after Dr. Agasa told her that Conan was quite ill but he declined saying that it was important that he rest now and that he would be sure to get him to class on time. As much as he hated lying to Ran, or anyone for that matter, he knew that Shinichi would appreciate him withholding the real information and that Ran would understand sooner or later. After hanging up he and Ai both made themselves cozy next to Conan, who was beginning to sweat and twitch. They knew this was the typical reaction but, although both tired, also knew that it was imperative that they collect data on any changes.

Nothing changed, though. Conan awoke finally, writhing in pain.

"Damn! I hate this part", he screamed, running to the toilet. He felt his body on fire, burning from the inside out. The all-too-familiar bone melting feeling made him stumble and grasp his chest on his way.

Prepared for this, Dr. Agasa had placed a towel and fresh clothes in the toilet that Shinichi could use when he was finally able to stand and compose himself. Over an hour later, Shinichi emerged, cleaned and dressed. His hair was still wet and glistening from the brief shower he had taken to cleanse himself from the sweat he had drenched himself in. The clothes Dr. Agasa had left for him were far from his style of pajama due to the large pink heart print on the shirt and pants. He wondered if the old Dr. had gotten these for this occasion just to laugh at how ridiculous he looked in them. That certainly wouldn't surprise him. He stepped in to the living room where Dr. Agasa was asleep and snoring on the couch where he was last laying. Ai, however, was still awake and had been patiently awaiting the arrival of the real Shinichi.

"So all is well?", she inquired.

"Yes, it seems to be. You wouldn't believe how good this feels...", he replied with a sigh of relief. It had been quite some time since his last transformation, after all.

"I imagine. Let me examine you quickly and then we can both get some rest." She appeared as calm and unimpressed as always.

Shinichi complied and grunted with a small laugh. Ai never showed much excitement and this, her greatest success so far, was no exception to that rule of hers. He wasn't sure if he should feel bad for her for having such limited emotion or to admire her control. Ai knew herself better than Shinichi did, though. Within her hardened exterior she was very pleased with her work. She was also impressed with Shinichi. His body knew exactly how old he was now and had aged as if those three years had been passed in that body. His chest had broadened a bit and his arms were longer and thicker than they had been before. His eyes, though, showed the most age. He had seen more death, pain, and corruption than most see in several long lived lives. This gave his blue eyes even more of a pierce than they had before. He was actually a man now. Ai blushed a bit as she noticed his features, looking past the hilarious pajamas. She was, after all, an adult herself. Although she knew she would likely never act on such impulses, she wished that she was also back in her original body to stun him with her figure as well. Ignoring her surface observations she began checking his temperature, his eyes, and general health. He seemed as healthy as ever and taking to the antidote very well.

"Okay. Looks good."

"Ah, fantastic!", Shinichi exclaimed, clearly overjoyed to hear that things looked well with him. "Shall we get some rest?"

Ai nodded and bid him a good night. She acceded to her bedroom and Shinichi took the other couch. He noticed that it wasn't quite as easy as had been to fall asleep on such a small surface. It was more amusing to him that annoying and he laughed to himself out of happiness and drifted in to another deep sleep that was only interrupted by the morning light beaming in on his face. He smelled coffee and breakfast as he became more aware of the situation. Groggily Shinichi stood up and looked around. He stretched his arms, his legs, his hands, and his back, noticing that they were all the right size and that it wasn't a dream. He really was back.

"Oi, Shinichi-kun!", Dr. Agasa called, noticing that Shinichi had risen.

"Hm?", Shinichi wandered in to the kitchen where he heard the Dr.'s voice coming from and smelled the delicious okayu and coffee.

"Here, eat something. I thought this would be easy on you. You had a long night, after all.", Dr. Agasa pointed out and offered him some okayu.

"Thank you!", Shinichi responded, genuinely, as he was quite hungry after all of the stress of the previous night.

"Well, how does it feel?", Dr. Agasa asked.

"Like you wouldn't believe. I feel completely new. I can't wait to see Ran... Ran!", Shinichi remembered his school obligations. "Ran is going to be quite upset if I don't return by this afternoon. She'll be worried sick about me... Conan. Worried sick about Conan. How should I act when I see her? What should I say?", Shinichi begged Dr. Agasa for advice as if he was younger again.

Dr. Agasa laughed, "Well, my best advice is to just go to her. Confess, tell her the truth. Hiding it from her now will only cause more mistrust than has already happened."

Shinichi nodded and engulfed the rest of his porridge to speed up the morning ritual. He then almost ran to bathe and get dressed. Ai walked down the stairs as he was running up them to the toilet. She knew exactly why he was in such a hurry. He had been waiting for so long to hold Ran and tell her that he loved her with his own voice in her presence. She understood why he could hardly wait but was rather concerned about her reaction. She was a controlled person, no doubt, but she knew how women worked and had already imagined several ways that Ran would react; most of them weren't the happy reunion that Shinichi was envisioning.

Shinichi said his thanks and farewells to Ai and Dr. Agasa, who both wished him the best of luck with Ran. His heart raced and beat in to his throat more and more as he got closer to the Mouri residence. Today he wanted to tell her that he loved her, he wanted to explain everything to her, he wanted to feel her arms around him and her kiss on his lips. He had dreamt of this moment ever since he had been forced into that small body.

He walked on, snow now falling once again. It had been a particularly snowy month so far. The sidewalk that passed the Mouri Detective Agency's door had not yet been cleared of the fresh snow and it stuck to the bottoms of Shinichi's shoes, forming a heavy layer. He stood, looking up at the large window, for quite some time. He didn't think of much and instead tried to calm himself before going up the stairs and knocking on the door as Shinichi Kudo. Despite his attempts he could not get Ran out of his mind. Thoughts of her drove him up those stairs, held his fist up, and planted three forceful knocks on the door. He could hear shuffling in the room as Ran put down her school work and came to the door. Shinichi could see her shadow in the door's clouded window. She got closer and closer and finally he could hear her hand on the door knob, opening it slightly and then, after catching a glimpse of who stood behind it, throwing the door wide open.

"Shinichi...", she almost whispered, shocked to see him.

He smirked, attempting to keep from throwing himself on her to feel her warmth and embrace. "Hey, Ran." He almost choked on his own words.

"Shinichi!" Ran yelped and grasped him tightly in her arms. She was normally more angry with him for being away for so long or worried about him in general but this time she felt something was different. Although she had felt his body quiver in her arms before, from what she didn't know was his pain from changing from and to Conan, this time he shook differently. She couldn't be angry at him when she could tell he was unstable.

"What's the matter, Shinichi? Where have you been? ...How long will you stay?" She bombarded him with questions, though she put the most emphasis on her last inquiry.

He couldn't blame her, though. After all, he had left within moments almost each time he had shown up. He smiled at her and took her in to another long embrace without answering her questions. He hoped his actions made it clear to her that he was there to stay.

"Ran-chan... I've missed you.", he whispered in to her neck.

She didn't respond and instead held him tighter as if worried that he would slip away from within her arms. He knew it meant that she had missed him just as much, if not more. It had been over a year since she had looked in to the eyes of Shinichi Kudo. Unknowing to her, he had spent every day with her. He doubted that even after he told her that she would really understand that he was there the whole time, watching her grow and change in the past three years. She had missed so much of his life, though. It almost seemed impossible to him that Ran could ever feel as if she knew him as well as he knew her. Shinichi tried not to let it ruin this moment, though. It was beautiful to him that even after all of that time apart and after all that she had missed about him, she still held him as close as ever.

"Ran-chan...", he pulled away.

She looked at him with glassy eyes and invited him in. She was so shocked to see him after so long that she hardly knew what to see. Her heart pounded so loudly that she could hear it in her own head. Ran hardly knew what to felt but she invited him to sit with her on the couch anyway. She feared that he would disappear once again and leave her yearning for his presence once again so she watched his every movement as if guarding herself from surprise. She caught his gaze and blushed.

She admitted, "I hardly know what to say. It's been so long. You look... Older."

He smiled, "As do you. More...", he swallowed that same thick saliva, "More beautiful than ever".

"What...?" Ran thought she simply misheard him but flushed anyway.

"C'mon, clean that fluff out of your ears", he spoke gently and winked. "So tell me, how much have you missed me?"

"Not at all, stupid cocky detective!" She spoke harsh words but Ran was still almost in tears. He was really there, right in front of her, calling her beautiful. This was what she wanted.

Shinichi grunted in delight. It was time to tell her how he felt. He could feel that she was ready to hear it. They weren't anywhere as special as he had imagined them being. They were instead only in the dingy apartment where they had spent the last three years together. It wasn't romantic like he had planned or as exceptionally beautiful as he had hoped. They had both waited so long to hear and say those words when a kiss could follow so he knew that it was time.

"Ran-chan, I have something to tell you. I've been waiting since before I left to tell you this and... Maybe this isn't the best time to tell you but I need to." Shinichi paused and Ran waited in silence, unsure as to what he could be talking about. "I... Well, Ran, I love you." There was silence for a brief moment. Shinichi felt the need to fill it, "I knew when you had waited for me that one time back when we were younger when I was two hours late for our outing. You're not just a friend, not at all..." Ran stopped him.

"Shinichi..." She stood up and he quickly followed. "Do you really? Enough not to leave again?" He nodded and took her hands in his. She spoke softly, "Then, I love you too."

Shinichi smiled and kissed her passionately. He took her face in his hands and kissed her deeply, as if all of his built up love was being set free in this kiss. Ran kissed him back with a passion that matched his. She had thought of those lips on hers many times before. They were soft, softer than she had expected. She felt the force of his strong arms holding her closely but the gentleness of his hands ran down her neck and to her waist. Finally they broke the kiss, gasping out of excitement and stimulation. Shinichi then grasped Ran tightly with his whole body and told her over and over that he loved her. It was as if a flood of emotions had come over him and knocked him down. This time Ran was the strong one of the two who held him closely and simply listened to him weep.

After quite some time Shinichi finally calmed down and controlled the flow of his emotions. He broke their long embrace and smiled at Ran.

"Thank you, love." He half smiled, feeling rather weak now.

Ran smiled in return and nodded. She had never seen him like that before and it scared her as well as comforted her to know that the strongest person she knew was also weak within himself. She told herself that he must have been through some tough cases and that being away for so long only added to the mix of his powerful feelings. She knew he would be fine in the end. That's the way Shinichi was, strong.

"Ran... I wish that was all that need to tell you. But... I can't hide it any more. Not now at least."

Shinichi was afraid to tell Ran about being Conan for many reasons. They had just confessed their love for one another so it could easily stain this memory in a foul light. He knew, though, that she had to be told. It wasn't fair to her for him to continue to hide it and lie to her about why he had always been away. He wanted to build their love on trust, as he knew it should have from the start. Ran was afraid of what else Shinichi had to say. Him loving her was big enough news so she wondered what else could he possibly have to tell her. She considered several smaller things while he composed himself but none of them quite prepared her for what she was about to hear.

Shinichi took a deep breath and clenched his fists. "We should probably sit down."

Ran nodded and sat down. Shinichi sat down next to her, holding her hand tightly as if to keep her from running from what he was about to tell her. Then, almost as if she knew, Ran stood up and looked at the time on her phone.

"Conan! It's already so late. Where is he? He was suppose to be at Dr. Agasa's and then at school. I haven't heard from him, from Dr. Agasa, or anybody else. Shinichi, we have to look for him!", Ran shouted in a panic.

"Ran..." Shinichi bowed his head and looked at his feet, still clenching Ran's hand.

"Please, Shinichi... He could be in trouble and I know, with all of the cases you've been solving, that you could easily find him..."

Shinichi sighed heavily and deeply, "Why don't you try giving him a call first?" He was well aware that he still had 'Conan's' phone with his belongings.

Ran nodded and dialed his number on her phone. She waited a moment and it rang once on her end. It rang again on her end and then Conan's phone rang in the room they were in. Ran looked around and shouted Conan's name. Shinichi wouldn't let go of Ran's hand and stared blankly at the coffee table with Ran's scattered school work on it. It was all a blur to him. Conan's phone rang in response again. After the fourth ring Ran had identified where the ringing was coming from and saw that it was in Shinichi's jacket. She laughed an uncomfortable laugh at first, assuming that Shinichi had ran in to Conan and that the two were playing a trick on her that she didn't exactly find funny. When Shinichi didn't look up or respond to her laughter, though, she knew. All of her past suspicious were correct. She knew there had always been something wrong with Conan. He was too smart, looked too much like Shinichi, shared his birthday, so many things. Rain didn't know how it was possible but she didn't have to be a brilliant detective to add up Shinichi's reaction and her suspicions. She pulled back but Shinichi still grasped her hand desperately. He knew she'd try to run. It was too much for a girl, no, a woman like Ran. She pulled harder, trying her best to get away and catcher her breath. She started to choke on tears and pleaded for Shinichi to let her free. So he did. Shinichi let go of her hand and flew away from him, taking her coat and going outside in to the heavy, sticky snow that was still falling. Shinichi hurried to the window to watch where she was going. She ran down the sidewalk away from the apartment. Shinichi wanted to follow her to offer some sort of explanation but he knew that in this state she would hear nothing that he had to say. He slumped down next to the window and cried. Coming back as Shinichi was painful and not nearly as easy as he had hoped it would have been.

An hour passed and another followed. Shinichi picked himself up off of the floor near the window and gathered his things. He knew it would be best for him to be gone before either Kogoro or Ran came home. His next goal was to go to his old house and get comfortable. From there he had no idea what to do. The person who he cared about most was likely far too upset with him to even see him at this point. As Shinichi wandered back to his house in the deepening snow all he could think of was Ran. He wondered where she had gone to, when she would speak to him again, if he should call her the next day, if she would ever trust him again. Ran knew she would trust him eventually but in the arms of her best friend Sonoko she didn't care to think much of it. Ran wanted to be upset with Conan, no, Shinichi forever. She had trusted Conan with even more information then she had Shinichi but now it didn't matter. Shinichi knew all of the things that only Conan was suppose to know and it made her cringe to think that she had been so open to the child. She told herself that there was no way for her to have known and that because of this the blame was all on Shinichi for severing her trust beyond immediate repair. Sonoko did her best to stay calm for her friend but inside she was quite angry with Shinichi. She had never really trusted him to begin with because of his constant absence but had always supported, and teased, her friend's feelings for him. 'If nothing else he was at least attractive', Sonoko thought.

Shinichi arrived at his house far past dinner time. He wasn't hungry anyway, even if he knew he should eat. He opened the door and stepped in to the large, hallow mansion. It felt cold and empty to him as he looked and walked around, tracing his fingers through the dust that had been building on the dark furniture. His observation was broken by the ringing of 'Conan's' cell phone.

"Hello?", he answered.

"Kudo-kun? I thought this was suppose to be Conan's phone..." It was Heiji.

"Well it turns out that I have a lot to tell you", Shinichi chuckled.

Heiji waited in silence, already having deduced what likely happened. He had picked up on Shinichi's rather somber tone of voice and could hear the echo that likely meant he was in the library of his own house.

"There was a test antidote, Heiji, and I took it. Haibara had told me that it was successful but I guess I didn't really think that I would be here, finally back to myself for good. It's really all happened today..."

"I see. And the girl? I imagine you've already told her, judging by your lack of excitement.", Heiji smirked and Shinichi could hear this through the phone.

"Heh, yeah. I don't think I need to explain why it turned out badly to you."

"Nope. I know women wa-a-ay better than you do.", he laughed a bit, trying to lighten the mood.

Shinichi laughed a bit, "Yeah, right."

"Well I called to tell you that Kazuha and I will be in Tokyo this weekend for A police conference and I thought we would stop by and see you and Ran. We can at least give you some support while we're there now."

"Thanks, Hattori. You know I can manage myself, though.", Shinichi laughed, a bit more light heartedly than before.

"Sure, Kudo, sure.", Heiji said and abruptly hung up, holding true to the end of almost every phone conversation that they had together.

Shinichi smiled and put the phone back in his pocket. He figured it might be wise to keep in on himself until he had cleaned up some more Conan created messes. With that thought he let out a sigh. There was much more to this than he had considered. He knew at some point the Detective Boys would call or stop by the Mouri's house looking for Conan, who wouldn't be there. He decided his parents would be easiest, most likely, and gave them a call.

"Hey mom.", Shinichi said.

"Oh, you sound like an adult!", his mother exclaimed.

"Yeah, heh. Things are back to normal now. My friend, you know the one Ai, was able to come up with an antidote. So far, so good. Well, not good per say, but my body is back for good."

"Well, my dear Shinichi, that's wonderful news! Your father and I are at an American film festival but we will be sure to come home and see you soon. It's been quite some time since I've felt like the old mother of such an old boy! I kind of miss feeling like a new mother... Sigh."

Shinichi laughed a bit, "My deepest apologies mother." His sarcasm was evident.

"And the disrespect continues! Well I've got to get going, old son. Good luck with Ran!", she said, hinting that she knew that he would likely struggle dealing with her.

Shinichi smiled, feeling warmed by his mothers eternally optimistic perspective on things. She offered no advice to him and he was aware that this was likely because she had some sort of faith in him and knew he was more than just a logic relying detective. From there Shinichi went to bed, once again sleeping a deep sleep that was only ended by mid-morning sun streaming into the windows.

Ran had spent the night at Sonoko's house like they had done in high school. She was feeling much more calm that morning and, because Sonoko always slept in so late, sat at a window to watch the sun glisten off small pieces of the dirty city snow. Ran knew that she had every right to be upset with Shinichi but, now beyond the initial upset, she longed for another kiss and for his strong arms to be wrapped around her. She almost felt as if it was wrong to already feel forgiveness setting in but she couldn't exactly help it. Ran got up and left Sonoko's house before she had even stirred.

Shinichi had gotten dressed and decided that his day would be spent trying to at least get Ran to speak to him. He knew that she was delicate but not so much that she wouldn't have moved on to at least being angry now, which he knew he could handle. He wasn't sure where she had gone to but knew that a good place to start would be her house, just in case she had come back later after cooling down. As he approached the outside door he heard the squeak of footsteps in the snow approaching him. It was Ran, who had just made her way back from Sonoko's house. They looked at each other and fell in to a loving embrace.

"I... I can't stay angry at you. I mean, I can and I am still angry, but rather I can't stay away from you.", Ran said, looking in to his deep blue eyes.

"Ran... I'm sorry. I really am sorry for all of this. For everything. For being the way I am, for deceiving you, for keeping you waiting. I've been here, though. I've been by your side, I swear."

Shinichi smiled, letting his honesty shine through. Ran believed him, of course.

"It's cold...", Ran said.

"Hmm, yeah it really is", Shinichi replied, flicking some snow off of his shoulders.

So, to warm up, the two went inside the Mouri apartment. They set their coats aside and, since Kogoro was out once again, sat on the couch. Shinichi turned towards Ran and held her hands in his.

"So are you ready to know the whole story?"

Shinichi's eyes looked deeply in to hers, begging for her honest answer. Ran nodded in response. She wanted to know, waiting intently, returning his grasp on her hands.

He took a deep breath, "Well it all began at Tropical Land after your karate tournament..."


	3. Chapter 3

Next installment! Not sure if I like it or not so tell me what you think.

* * *

Shinichi sat next to Ran, who was asleep on his couch once again. It wasn't like her to abandon her responsibilities but she had spent as much of the past few days with him as possible. He stroked her cheek, causing her to stir a bit and open her eyes slowly. She felt a rush, just as she had the past few days. It didn't seem real to either of them to wake up with the other in such close reach. Ran knew that in reality they had always been close but, with the story still fresh, it was difficult to fully grasp. Being with Shinichi now was like being with a completely different person. Shinichi felt it too. Although he had woken up to her sweet scent many times before it was different to look in to her eyes with honesty and his natural seduction.

Ran smiled, "Good morning".

"Morning. How'd you sleep?" Shinichi smiled as well.

"Well for being on such a cruddy couch", she said, smirking.

Shinichi laughed a bit, slightly offended. It wasn't like he had really been around to maintain it. "Heiji and Kazuha will be here soon so I figured I'd wake you up. If you want to keep resting on the shitty couch, though, feel free." He stood up, smirked, and walked in to the bathroom to ready himself for the day.

Ran laughed to herself a bit. Things weren't quite the way they were back when Conan came about but Shinichi sure was still an ass. She got up to ready herself as well. She hadn't seen Heiji or her good friend Kazuha in quite some time so she was quite excited to spend a few days with them. Not only that but she had spent the past few days solely with Shinichi so, as much as she loved being with him and only him, she was excited to get out again.

Shinichi eventually wandered back downstairs in an old pair of dress pants that were actually a piece of his old uniform, and a tucked in button down. He hadn't had much of a chance to reestablish any form of a fashion sense but, as always, he looked sleek and put together. Instead of looking like a, well, nerd he looked like a man. His body now filled out a dress shirt properly and his slim hips were only accented by a tucked in shirt. Ran, who was dressed in an equally flattering outfit consisting of a floral skirt and a loose sweater, noticed his body in its entirety for the first time. He was really a man now and she just hoped that Shinichi noticed the same adult aspects in her. He did, of course. He was there for the changes but there were moments when his attention was specifically drawn to her curvy body, full breasts, and mature face.

As if by clock-work, their unadvertised admiration of each other was interrupted by the incessant ringing of Shinichi's doorbell. Both of them knew who was at the door and ran over to greet their friends. Shinichi opened the door and took his friend in a "manly" embrace then Ran leaped over to Kazuha and greeted her lovingly.

"Long time no see, Kudo-kun", Heiji winked.

Shinichi laughed, "Yeah, sure. How was the trip out here?"

"Well it would have been perfectly peaceful if this idiot", pointing to Kazuha and rolling his eyes, "hadn't left her infinitely important bag at home and only realized after we got to the airport. I honestly have no idea how we made it."

Kazuha puffed up, "A girl can't leave on a trip without her purse! And maybe I wouldn't have forgotten it if somebody hadn't picked me up late. I was a little flustered!"

Ran piped in and smiled, "Well you both made it and we're both thankful for that. We've missed you two! It's been months!"

Shinichi played off of Ran's interjection to quell their two feisty friends, "Come on in, guys. You can put your bags over in the living room."

Heiji smirked, having picked up on their obvious quick ploy to put out the casual argument. "Oy, Kudo, your parents really just abandoned you at seventeen?", he said, accompanied with a small laugh.

Shinichi nodded, "Yeah, somehow they trusted me not to get in to trouble. Boy, did I show them."

Kazuha pulled Ran in to the kitchen, leaving the boys free to discuss their passion for mysteries. "Ran-chan! I'm requiring every detail of the past few days. I just have to hear what's got you so in love!"

Ran smiled, eager to talk about how wonderful Shinichi was. "Okay".

Shinichi and Heiji had more important things to discuss, though. Although things with Ran had turned out quite well for Shinichi there were still other concerns that Heiji wouldn't let his friend forget. Heiji knew that Shinichi was aware of the still existing problems but he also knew that Shinichi was likely preoccupied with his body's return and Ran. He couldn't idly watch his friend fall in to any traps or handle these new and odd situations with anything less than grace.

"I take it you haven't even touched any of your other relationships yet", Heiji said, with a hint of concern in his voice.

Shinichi sighed, "No, sadly. Some of them I think will solve themselves over time but my main concerns are those kids and Ran's dad. I don't even know where to start with either of them ."

"Leave it to a brilliant detective to solve every case imaginable and to fail miserably at specific social acts." Heiji laughed a little, fully aware that he was in the same boat. Both of them were quite charismatic but when it came to the important things they both had difficulties. Heiji still hadn't told Kazuha how he really felt, although she seemed to know just as well as he knew her feelings for him.

Shinichi teased, "And you're so much better?"

"Oh I never said that. I guess my advice is to play it by ear, especially with those kids. They'll pick up on something rehearsed, you've taught them well. Ran-chan's dad hates you as it is so you can't really go too wrong there." Heiji laughed to assure Shinichi that he was only joking.

Shinichi nodded, "And I suppose you're going to push me to deal with this now?"

"Ideally yes. Kazuha will likely keep Ran quite occupied, you know them."

Shinichi sighed. He wasn't sure he was ready to face these things but he knew Heiji was right. It wasn't fair to leave his friends from his other life without a proper explanation. They had offered him true childhood friendship, after all. And Ran's dad would eventually wonder where the little mooch that he was taking care of had gone off to.

"But what about the black organization? You and I have taken down a few of the members in the past few years but how can we be sure they're gone or weakened enough for me to to be safe?", Shinichi asked, truly concerned. He wasn't sure how to deal with them, either. If they still had any power, which Shinichi knew that they likely did, he was putting everyone in danger by just existing as himself.

"I don't think there's an easy answer for that one, either, Kudo-kun." Heiji wished that he had a better answer for his friend and it was reflected in his voice. "I think this is very dangerous for all of us but your odds of finishing them off might be better if you have them come to you."

Shinichi nodded, "That could be true. I was very limited as Conan and with so few leads it was basically impossible to even have a chance at catching them. Just... As my friend and equal detective can I ask you to help me watch over the people that I care for?"

Heiji laughed loudly, breaking the serious nature of their conversation. "Of course, Kudo. Why the hell did you think I came out here? Just to see you?"

"Hah, if only.", Shinichi retorted sarcastically.

Kazuha entered, glowing with the romance that Ran had instilled in her. As happy as she was for Ran, she imagined Heiji spilling his feelings in a similar fashion throughout most of Ran's story. Her announcement, though, was about her idea for an activity for the day.

"Ran-chan mentioned that there was a festival tonight and I think we should go!"

"Fool, we've got things to do today!"

"Yeah, today, not tonight, jerk. We'll be going and that's final."

The two boys sighed, realizing that short of just plain ditching them that there was no way out of it. Shinichi and Heiji both looked forward to it, though. They both, under their fake disappointment, considered it a sort of double date. From there Shinichi and Heiji both left to find Ayumi, Mitsuhiko, and Genta to break the news to them that their comrade wasn't coming back.

Shinichi and Heiji both waited outside of Teitan elementary school waiting for the children to get out of class. They knew that, however odd it was for them to wait around there, this was their most promising chance at gathering the three of them now that Conan was no longer in existence. They heard the bell ring and little feet rushing out of the double doors. Shinichi knew that those three would likely be in one of the last groups out, as they were recently always engaged in stimulating conversations about Yaiba. They both spotted them, just as Shinichi had suspected, near the back of the crowed, walking instead of running.

Heiji called out to them as he was the more familiar face to the three of them, "Oy!"

They ran over to them, instantly assuming their help as the detective boys was being requested. Their determined faces gave them away.

Ayumi was the first to speak, "Conan-kun has been very sick but we can easily solve anything without him!", trying to assure them that Conan wasn't their key to success even though he usually was.

Heiji laughed, "I'm not sure if you remember since you've only met once or twice, but this is Shinichi Kudo. He's a friend of mine, Ran, and Conan."

They nodded in unison, recalling him from their previous encounter and from various conversations from the past.

"He's got something important to tell you guys", Heiji said, backing off.

Shinichi bent down, pulling out his Conan glasses to try and give them an image. "I'm not sure what exactly to say.", he admitted. He put the glasses on, only confusing his friends. "Conan won't be back, at least not any time in the foreseeable future." The children looked concerned.

"Why? What did you do with him!", demanded Genta.

"This is difficult to explain but I know you're all smart enough to understand it. I..., well, I was Conan. I am Conan."

The three of them looked betrayed, more out of disbelief than anything else. Ayumi saw it, though. He looked in to the eyes of Shinichi behind the fake glass of his glasses and saw the same deep blue eyes that had inspired her first crush.

Ayumi spoke up, in Shinichi's defense, "I think he's telling the truth, guys. But how?", turning her attention back to Shinichi.

"I was given a poison that shrunk me. I had to create a new life for myself to protect the people I knew. I have an obligation to protect you three now, too, now that I'm back to my old self. You're still my friends." Shinichi smiled at them and received smiles back. They were always trusting and understanding of him, possibly more than he deserved since he had lied to them for the past three years. He showed them that he still had his detective boys badge with him and encouraged them to call him if they ever needed him.

The conversation ended with embraces and Heiji and Shinichi parted ways with the detective boys, heading towards Ran's house. Kogoro was next and, just as they had suspected, took things a lot more harshly than Ayumi, Mitsuhiko, and Genta had. He yelled, demanding repayment, hit his head, out of confusion, and threatened, out of protection for his daughter that he held so highly. Shinichi, not in a position to argue with the "great" detective Kogoro, simply sat and took the verbal pounding. It was the least he could do for having spent so much time entwining his family in his lie. This humble side of Shinichi was rare and he was slightly uncomfortable showing it but he knew that it was the only reaction that wouldn't make the situation worse. When Kogoro's rant was over, Shinichi then proceeded to tell Kogoro the details of the black organization in hopes that he would have a flash of insight one day and be able to help them track the last of them down.

"You're putting my daughter, my wife, and myself in danger and you enlist my help.", calmness, out of sternness, finally overtook the crazed man. "I only accept because I can't ever imagine anything happening to them. I'm not doing this for you, the one who's putting them in danger in the first place."

Shinichi nodded, understanding completely. It was his fault, in the end, if anything bad happened to any of them. He had protected them for so long, though, that it was a small weight lifted off of his shoulders to have the help of even a terrible detective like Kogoro. Having Heiji backing him up was much more promising but he knew Kogoro well enough to be sure that he would stand by his family and not rest until they were safe.

After their lengthy conversation ended, Shinichi and Heiji started on their way back to Shinichi's house. It was getting late and the girls were likely eager to go to the festival. And they were right. The moment the two of them walked thru the door Kazuha rushed over, panicking about being late and missing the fireworks. Ran, who was much more calm, smiled at Shinichi and took his hand in hers, pulling him out the door. Kazuha took Heiji's hand as well but more dragged him out than anything as he protested her rough greeting. It wasn't a long walk to the festival but it was enough time for Kazuha to calm down and Heiji to stop defending himself. They walked in peace with only the noises of cars and their feet on the pavement. It was a clear and beautiful winter night. Most of the snow had been thinned out by the warmer day and left the air damp yet crisp. It was the perfect night for a celebration.

They arrived at the festival just in time, as usual. The fireworks started just as they found a good place in the crowd to see them. Ran leaned her head on Shinichi's shoulder, sighing with content. Shinichi clutched her hand tighter, quite content himself. Kazuha grasped Heiji's hand tight in hers. She blushed a bit; it was a bold move on her part that only the romance of her best friend could have inspired. Heiji looked at her, a bit shocked at first. He then tightened his grip on her hand in return and smiled. He hoped that she felt the rush of feelings that he felt but convinced himself that he was just imagining things as Kazuha would never have feelings like his for her. He looked back up at the fireworks and tried to simply enjoy the moment that he was in which, he found, was impossible with Kazuhas hand in his. He could feel his palm begin to sweat and hoped that she didn't notice. She did, of course, and chuckled a little to herself. She wondered if she would ever be able to tell Heiji how she felt. Her grip tightened unconsciously at the thought. Heiji felt this and looked at her, inquiring without words if she was alright.

"Oh, one of the fireworks surprised me..."

He glared her her, "Idiot."

She pouted briefly and attempted to defend herself ineffectively. Shinichi and Ran noticed but simply giggled together, as it had only been a short period of time since their last little quarrel.

"Fine! You want to know the truth, Heiji Hattori? You want to know why I grabbed your hand tighter?", she was charged, ready to spill everything in a fit of small rage.

"Yeah, sure, go ahead! I bet I'll still think you're an idiot.", he glared at her.

Her facial expression changed from angry to hurt. It was rare that she truly got her feelings hurt and it was even more rare that she ran out of come-backs. She looked away from him.

"You're right, you probably would."

Heiji's attitude also changed as he saw the hurt in her eyes before she looked away. "Uh, I'm sorry Kazuha... I didn't know it was that.. important?"

She looked back at him, a wave of courage hitting her. The fireworks banged loudly in the background and the crowd moved around the four of them like a river runs a path around large rocks. Kazuha stood in front of Heiji and looked at her feet. She knew he'd never say it first because he was really the idiot when it came to their relationship.

"Heiji." She paused. "As stupid as you are sometimes I like it when people treat us like we're a couple."

"Oh, well I do too. You know that." He chuckled a little bit, unsure of why that declaration was so important.

"That's not all, though. Heiji. Do you... I need to know your honest answer." She looked at him sternly. "Do you love me?"

Heiji was stunned. It was true, he loved her. She was his first love, after all, so how could he not? His fears rushed forward. What if she was just asking him to put him down or maybe even tell him that she loved somebody else? But who? What if she just wanted to tell him that they would always only be friends?

"It's hard to say...", Heiji began. Shinichi, who had been listening the entire time like a good detective would, tore himself away from the fireworks long enough to glare at Heiji as if to tell him not to fuck it up just as he was about to do exactly that.

He looked away and gave a small nod, without even looking at Kazuha. It was enough of a nod to make her smile, knowing it was true, but too little of a nod to make it a clear statement of his love. Just as she was about to inquire again and, in turn, confess her love as well, there was a loud scream. Heiji and Shinichi turned in the direction of the scream and, as if the night meant nothing, both ran off to find the source. Kazuha sighed, shaking and near tears. It had taken so much strength to even ask him if he felt the same. Ran noticed her disgruntled friend and comforted her. She knew the feeling of the unfinished confession. It had happened many times between her and Shinichi and wore them both down each time.

"Oh Kazuha-chan, you'll get another chance. Don't worry.", Ran said, hugging her friend. "Lets go find out what they're up to this time."

Kazuha nodded and cheered up quickly. Ran was right, she thought, this wouldn't be her last opportunity and now she was more confident that Heiji felt the same. She followed Ran thru the crowd in the direction that the two had run off. The fireworks were almost over so it was getting quite loud. People moved about quickly and the fireworks increased in numbers. Before long, Ran spotted Heiji, who was frantically looking around.

"Heiji!" Kazuha called out, demanding his attention.

He turned around and ran towards her, embracing her tightly. Ran was shocked at his reaction. He seemed to be breathing heavily and shaking a bit.

"What... happened?", Kazuha asked. Ran was wondering the same thing, naturally.

Heiji was slightly out of breath but he answered, albeit a bit brokenly, "Shinichi... Damn it, damn it, damn it! One of those bastards got him!"

Neither of the girls really comprehended what he was saying at first. Ran asked, slowly, what he meant. Heiji looked at Ran, who was completely lost. He knew it would break her heart to know that her love was once again torn away from her just as things were looking up. He couldn't tell her. He had to, though. She needed to know, for her safety if nothing else, what was happening.

"The Black Organization."


End file.
